Incoming Landslide Alert!

by Mark Steyn
Election Day 2024

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The first votes are in! New Hampshire has a law permitting municipalities of one hundred residents or less to open their polls at midnight and close them as soon as every eligible elector has cast his vote. In recent cycles, three townships have availed themselves of the opportunitiy: Dixville, Hart's Location and Millsfield. This year, only Dixville chose to maintain the tradition, which is a pity - because Hart's and Millsfield are real-ish towns, whereas Dixville Notch is a closed-down grand hotel masquerading as a town.

Still, rural New Hampshire communities of under one hundred citizens are among the few voting precincts in America to hold honest elections free from the Democrats' usual flimflam. So at midnight the world's media were in DIxville Notch to see how it all went down:

The six voters cast their votes, but unfortunately the voting machines were malfunctioning so the count has been shut down until the burst water pipe has been repaired by a plumber from two hours away in Quebec after lunch tomorr...

Just kidding. Here's the final score:

Harris 3

Trump 3

Hmm. I had assumed all these polls showing the race dead even and too close to call were a massive psy-ops operation by the pollsters to legitimise whatever eventual result the Deep State choose to go with. But, even in America, it's hard to massage a voting pool of six, and, if that trend holds, it's going to be a long night.

UPDATE! I may have missed the significance of that result. As has been pointed out in the comments, last time round 100 per cent of Dixville's voters plumped for Biden. So the Democrat share of the vote has collapsed by fifty per cent. And this is in a de-purpling, increasingly blue state. If the Dixville Notch trend goes nationwide, it's an '84-sized blowout for Trump. Vote vote vote.

Nevertheless, CNN is predicting the Electoral College shakes out as:

Harris 270

Trump 268

If that proves correct, America's over. So get out there and vote, because as a certain "niche Canadian" (thank you, The Guardian) and a rather less niche South African say:

In the final hours of his last campaign, Trump was endorsed by the above-mentioned Mr Rogan plus the video-game billionaire Mark Pincus and my old chum Megyn Kelly. Here's Megyn at the penultimate rally:

She's right - particularly about the women murdered by illegals and brain-damaged by psycho-trannies. So get out there and vote - because outside of Dixville Notch and Hart's Location Trump needs to be five points up just to eke out a squeaker. If you want a preview of what's coming in the next week or so, take a listen to my show from last time round: Election Day Plus Three.

Alas, out there in the Republic of Shenanistan it's business as usual. We have breaking news from the dirty stinkin' rotten corrupt Department of Justice: a "white supremacist" - just like you and all your friends! - has been arrested for trying to blow up Nashville with a weapon of mass destruction.

Fortunately, says the dirty stinkin' rotten corrupt Attorney General, the dirty stinkin' rotten corrupt straight-shootin' granite-jawed G-men "had already compromised his plot". You don't say! Was that squirrel in on it? Working with Putin?

Oh, and more - from America's bloated and evil "intelligence community". The Russians are coming!

While law enforcement is preoccupied tracking down Peanut the Squirrel's giant space laser trained on Cleveland, back on Planet Earth the Philadelphia City Commissioners are announcing that non-citizens are entitled to vote:

Aw, isn't that inclusive? All you need is an ITIN? That's an Individual Taxpayer Identification Number. I had one of those years before I moved to America - not because I wanted one but because in the mid-Eighties I made the mistake of accepting an offer to write a one-off piece for The Washington Post and they said I needed to sign a vital US Treasury form - the RU1-2 or whatever it was. The ITIN's probably still lying around here somewhere, so, if you're an MS-13 member hot for Tampon Tim and anxious to vote in Philly, swing by and I'll try to fish it out.

~We opened The Mark Steyn Club seven-and-half years ago, and I'm thrilled by all those SteynOnline supporters across the globe - from Fargo to Fiji, Vancouver to Vanuatu, Surrey to the Solomon Islands - who've signed up to be a part of it. My only regret is that we didn't launch it twenty-two years ago, but better late than never. You can find more information about the Club here - and, if you've a pal who might be partial to this sort of thing, don't forget our special Gift Membership.

Oh, and if you're seriously chafing under four years of Biden and Harris, there's no better way to cock a snook than by booking a berth on our Fifth Annual Mark Steyn Cruise sailing from Portugal next year - and with Naomi Wolf, Michele Bachmann, Leilani Dowding and Dan Wootton among our shipmates. We'll be attempting some seaboard versions of The Mark Steyn Show, Tales for Our Time, our Song of the Week and other favourite features. If you're minded to give it a go, don't leave it too late: as with most travel and accommodations, the price is more favourable the earlier you book. Don't worry about missing the Maricopa County re-re-recount. It'll still be ongoing when you return.

I'll be back later at SteynOnline for post-Dixville analysis. Hope you'll swing by.

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